Things just don’t happen and they are done. They come in a flowing wave fashion, with a disturbing increase in intensity over time, trailing together related situations in an horror-movie like sequence, which are of great help for the increasing wave sensation and the certainty that you will be totalled by the crushing humongous wave.
And then… with an astonished face, you just stand looking for the unforgivable wall. And it hits the ground, destroying everything tornado-style, leaving your being as a ground zero site. And leaves you in pieces. No matter how many times you have seen it before (rest assured, I have seen it several times under my gray hair!), how deep you were hurt at the last wave session, it will crush you again – you will be defenseless. The more scars you have, the bigger is the next one. There is a feeling of not being able to deal with it. A smallness. Unavoidable…
Once destruction hits its summit, they are gone! They are gone for good. You gather your pieces together, become someone (or something) different. The experience contributes to nothing. Just sadness and the dead certainty it will come again and again and again. And the squeeze at the chest, crushing… And the wish for tomorow to never come…